So it’s my last day in london for the week! Im celebrating with a pret a manger breakfast and a starbucks coffee (for the free wifi 😉 haa) and i CANNOT wait to get home and see my family. Its only been 5 days but im exhausted and treatment has been tougher than i expected.
For those who dont know, im currently on a clinical trial for rTMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) for anorexia nervosa. It basically involves sending electrical impulses into a certain point in the brain they believe is vunerable/responsible for the eating disorder thoughts but its more painful and draining than i had anticipated. Having said that, im just focusing on the bigger picture and knowing its all for a ‘good cause’.
After just one session i felt the benefits, i cant explain it, but the next day i was able to eat at a restaurant i hadn’t chosen, where there were no calories on the menu and i didnt feel anxious! This may not seem like a big deal, but i haven’t done that in nearly 3-4 years.
I get weighed today, and if i have lost weight there’s a high chance i will get thrown off the trail (there are 3 weeks left) as my BMI was right on the cusp of being able to take part in the first place. I dont know what to expect, i feel as though ive been eating well but i have also been exhausted, london has truely taken its toll with all of the walking! And i can’t go off what i look like because i havent seen myself all week apart from breif glimpses in shop windows, plus i dont know if i can trust my own judgement yet.
Anyway, its going to be a long hard day but TGIF and i’ll see my family soon!
Until tomorrow…Emma xo