Mixed emotions sum up this past week.
Today was my last day of treatment until Monday and has over all been a pretty damn good day! Chatted to more people at the hostel, some of which will still be there next week, and got a free coffee at pret a manger for no apparent reason! WIN!
Also I was weighed and managed to gain weight this week which is such a relief as ive mentioned, any loss would me I cant continue getting treatment which I have to say seems to be working. It hasn’t and obviously wont change my core beliefs or who I am as a person. I still strive to be as healthy as I can and its not like it has given me an urge to eat a dozen krispy cremes or 2 dominos pizzas but it has made me less of an ‘anorexic’ and more like a regular girl trying to be the best, healthiest version of herself, both mentally and physically. For example, it’s been an automatic reaction for me to pick up an item in a shop and flick it over to scrutinize the ingredients list and compare two similar products to make sure I was picking the ‘best option’, regardless of price (sorry bank account)..and I hadn’t realised until id left the shop but when buying food for my travels today I didn’t even glance. I chose what I fancied, knew was a nutritious option and what was the cheapest..all the correct priorities! I couldn’t believe it! I’m not disregarding nutritional information on packets as I think its important for everyone to be aware of what they are consuming and how much of it, but I’m talking about the obsessive nature of checking for ‘added sugar’ on a product I already know isn’t unhealthy, and if it contains any it is merely a smidge that would have no effect on my body, or even worse sugar levels on products that only contain natural sugars and yet it would usually still prevent me from buying it, consequently picking a potentially more expensive option to save myself 0.2g of say extra sugar. craziness.
The second half of this post (sorry its a long one) is dedicated to my goals for the coming weeks. I saw a dance on youtube to my current favourite song, the link to which I will attach at the end and urge you all to watch..for the first time in a long time I could imagine myself dancing it at it felt so good! it really moved me emotionally and inspired to write some goals down..set them ‘in stone’ as it were. So here goes..
- eat a meal with my family, one that my mum or dad has cooked for us all.
- be dancing again by November-ambitious I know but I’m nothing if not an optimist- and I want to learn this dance I saw because its simply beautiful.
- audition to dance at Disney for the summer before uni
- be able to join a gym by November
- do the Disney half marathon next September!