We’ll today has been memorable to say the least.
No1 realisation of the past 2 weeks is that me and trains do NOT get on. Yet again I was over an hour late to treatment thanks the my second train being cancelled, then being made to go to Doncaster to get a different connection..which was obviously too full..so had to wait for the next one..which was then conveniently delayed. Having said that I finally made it here in one piece! Only downside being I had ALOT of calories to make up for as I hadn’t had a chance to grab more food on the move so dinner was an absolute food mountain, but nevertheless I wasn’t particularly anxious about this, infact I was rather grateful because frankly I was starving!
Also, everytime I approached some stairs with my suitcase some kind gentleman offered to carry it for me so Ive been pretty lucky in that respect! hahaa
Treatment was the same as always, not as painful as last week so I think I’m getting used to it! I have felt a bit down these past couple of days though, not through wanting to restrict or anything particularly ‘eating disorder related’, but more realisation of what I’ve lost..the opportunities I’ve missed..the people I have pushed away. I’ve spent countless hours considering the ‘what-ifs’, wondering how things would have turned out with school, dance and relationships had I experienced them without anorexia, how my life would have been different? better?
But I’ve come to the conclusion this is pointless pondering as I will never know! The relationships I could have had are now ‘ships that have sailed’ so to speak and I can only concentrate on what there might be to come. The next few years need to consist of taking great opportunities rather than watching them slip through my fingers and sacrificing them to anorexia when it has already taken so much.
That’s all for today..until tomorrow..Emma xo