The title of this post might imply that i have found the answer, that i’ve seen the light, had a revalation and it will be plain sailing from this day forward.
I fooled you all because actually i’m still pretty clueless.
I don’t want this to turn into a negative post but i feel that honesty is important on this blog to give a true reflection of recovery, and the truth is i’m still struggling.
It’s so hard at the moment to figure out the best way to move forward..use a meal plan? dont use a meal plan? count calories? eat to intuition? There are pros and cons for each approach as i need to find a balance of making sure i eat enough (ruling out intuitive eating) but not becoming too obsessive and stuck in ‘eating disorder behaviours’. Lets be honest i dont want to count calories for the rest of my life. I have a constant fear of choosing the wrong approach and ending up in a position i regret, which is ridiculous as even if my worst fear came true of ‘overshooting’/gaining too much weight, lets say to the weight i was before i ever went on a diet, I wouldn’t be in a worse position than i am now. In both this hypothetical situation and the one i currently find myself in i’m at a weight im unhappy with and working towards my goal..if i ‘over shot’ and had half a stone to lose lets say, firstly atleast i’d still be healthy, and secondly its alot easier to lose half a stone than it is to put the 2 stone on it would take for me to get there! So i really have no idea why this is such an intense fear that stops me progressing time and time again when really the scary thought would be remaining where i am now forever.
I know what i want from life, i want to dance again, i want to get married and have kids, i want to have a successful career, i want to travel..all these things are on hold until i get my s**t together, but im terrified, and i dont even know what of.
I’m rambling a bit now and sorry if it makes no sense on paper, but it doesnt make much sense in my head either so i guess we’re all in the same boat! hahaa
Hopefully i’ll come to some conclusion soon, i’ll keep you all updated..